I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
