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so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
