if i can run in heels then i can drive
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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