I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His hands were made for my vagina.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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