I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
