One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
