So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
