the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
