I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
