I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
