420 ftw
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didn't notice because vodka
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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