I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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