Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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