too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
