New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
