I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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