Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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