Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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