Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
