i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
