I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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