Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
