smell my finger.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
