Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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