There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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