were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
