We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
