i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
