Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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