It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
