??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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