I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
