I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
