You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
