The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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