Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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