I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
