HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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