I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
