So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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