So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
