Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
