I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
