I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
