Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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