Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
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