I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
