meet me or not, i'm out of control
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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