You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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