the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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