so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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